Being an RA has been one of those experiences that I didn’t realize would shape me as much as it did. When I first started, I thought it would mainly be about checking boxes, doing rounds, planning events, and enforcing policies. But what I found was that the role was less about authority and more about presence. Some of the most meaningful moments weren’t during programs or when I was on duty, but in casual bathroom conversations or when a resident came to me with something small but important to them.
I think one of the biggest takeaways for me is patience. There were times when I had to deal with a conflict or stress I couldn’t ultimately fix, and I learned to sit with that instead of rushing to control everything. I also realized how much I grew in my ability to listen. I used to feel pressure to always have advice, but being an RA showed me that sometimes people just need you to be steady and available. That kind of quick everyday presence, even in passing, often matters more than anything formal I could plan.
At the same time, what stood out most to me wasn’t learning to balance my responsibilities, what the RA role really pushed me on was confidence. People look to you, and that means putting yourself out there even when it feels uncomfortable. I remember during RA training when we practiced residential living scenarios, I was terrified before the residents even arrived, but the harder part was once I had residents. I had to push myself to say hi to 36 strangers in the hallway or bathroom, and learn names and faces quickly. That effort matters because residents won’t feel comfortable coming to you if you don’t make those connections first.
Beyond saying hi, holding space often meant creating small moments where residents felt like they could pause and exist without pressure. Sometimes that looked like leaving my door open while I was doing work so people could stop in, or sitting in the lounge during busy times of the semester so I was accessible without being intrusive. Other times it meant noticing when someone seemed off and giving them a quiet place to vent, or checking in after a difficult week without making it a formal conversation. None of these were big gestures, but they signaled that they didn’t have to be “on” around me, they could just show up as they were.
Looking back, I think being an RA helped me see leadership in a different light. It wasn’t about being in charge, it was about fostering community and learning how to hold space for people. That’s something I’ll carry with me long after the job itself ends.
